Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Hugh Hefner Built A Secret Tunnel Between the Playboy Mansion and Jack Nicholson's Home


"Non Gratum Anus Rodentum" was the motto for the Tunnel Rats over in Vietnam in the 70s. it translates as "Not Worth a Rat's Ass". It's also the title of the first track on Jucifer's new album, District of Dystopia. jello Biafra's Alternative Tentacles http://www.alternativetentacles.com/ label is coming out with a vinyl version soon. A few weeks ago, i picked up a copy of Jucifer's за волгой для нас земли нет (Rough translation: “there is no land beyond the Volga”). thank the giant lizards in the sky for cut & paste! what first interested me was the concept behind the album. it sprang out of Gazelle Amber Valentine and Edgar Livengood's childhood love for books about Russian history and culture. the album itself is about the Battle of Stalingrad during WWII and the role of women in combat. Amber Valentine's vocals (especially on the B side) are brutal and nihilistic as fuck. that's what i love about this album. it hits HARD mimicking the chaos and visceral hatred of war. Jucifer’s glacial doom comes with flashes of complete aggression in the form of beligerent sludge, & frantic black metal. i've been spinning it and spinning it and spinning it. it rewards the listener the deeper you listen to Valentine's chugging bass and Livengood's competent drums. i give this album FIVE OUT OF FIVE LAVA HELMETS!

CLICK HERE To Hear FALL OF EFRAFA - Owsla



Incredible band from Brighton, England that manages to artfully combine black metal, hardcore, crust punk, and chamber rock.

Monday, March 30, 2015

my lava helmet is leaking oxygen. ALRIGHT, so i grew up listening to punk rock because of skateboarding. i started skateboarding in the late 80s and early 90s and during that time it went hand-in-hand with bands like Dinosaur Jr., Minor Threat, the Descendants, and Dead Milkmen just to name a few. later on i started realizing that my relatively small Midwestern city (Louisville, KY) was a hotbed of great punk rock & indie bands like Slint, Rodan, Endpoint, the Rachel's, Shipping News, Will Oldham, and i could go on. also during this time i was practicing the violin between 4 to 6 hours a day and falling in love with composers like Nicolo Paganini, Vivaldi, Shostakovich, J.S. Bach, Sibelius, and Sarasate. When i started playing the violin i didn't think that the classical world and the rock world could be combined. Later, i would break away from playing pre-written music written by dead composers and start composing new music with rock musicians instead of oboe and tuba players.


Since coming here I've taken an interest in your primitive tinkerings at musical profundity. it's pretty much molten lava & a 100% cholesterol-based diet in my parallel reality so music is a rare delight for me. My very first album review will be Mount Eerie's "Wind's Poem"! Mount Eerie is centered around Phil Elverum, who was in the Olympia-based band, The Microphones. i ordered Sauna (his latest album) and Wind's Poem from my local music store a few weeks ago. because Phil Elverum puts his music out on his own record label, PW Elverum & Sun, it can take a little longer than usual to arrive. i've heard he has a very DIY operation out of his home. my first exposure to Mount Eerie was through his "No Microphone" album, which is great and highly recommended.

 
 
 
Wind's Poem is an album partially inspired by black metal. I think "inspired-by" is an important distinction to note. This isn't traditional black metal by any means. Elverum did mention two black metal bands in an interview about Wind's Poem; Xasthur and Burzum. Although, the two aforementioned bands are very different stylistically. Xasthur is funeral doom and Burzum is classic, shitty (imho) Norwegian black metal.  If there's one thing Elverum is known for, it is creating interesting walls of sound. As a result, there are tracks on Wind's Poem that revel in creating insane towers of black sonic omnipotence! 4 tracks in particular stand out: Wind's Dark Poem, the Hidden Stone, Mouth of Sky, and Lost Wisdom Pt. 2. Every single one of them a winner. I own this album on both MP3 and vinyl. the audible difference between the two formats is stunning.  There are more traditional Mount Eerie songs on the album that give it a dynamic feel without overstimulating the listener. This album caused me to take a closer look at the black metal genre. i've been rewarded a thousand-fold for doing so. a couple bands in this vein worth checking out are Deafheaven, Ash Borer, Panopticon (a Louisville guy), Vestiges, Fall of Efrafa, and Mayhem. It is now that i will introduce my music ranking system (which is very simple). I give 1 out of 5 Lava Helmets with 5 obviously being the highest. Wind's Poem receives FIVE LAVA HELMETS! Yay!
 


Sunday, March 29, 2015

1st Slog Post

When i first arrived in this particular Earth version of the multiverse i made a resolution that i would bless the people with what we call a slog. Actually, your people call it something very similar, a "blog", i think. i do realize your race is very primitive, but you may have heard of something called the "alternate reality theory". Well, actually, there are a couple different parallel universe theories but we will go with the one so expertly elucidated by your people's Dr. Samantha Carter, of Stargate SG-1. "It is believed there are an infinite number of different realities, some more similar than others. Sometimes there are the same people, places, and objects, but with notable differences http://stargate.wikia.com/." If you look at my picture below you will notice that i'm wearing a strange apparatus.  You see, it is 1,200 degrees Fahrenheit on my planet's surface. There is a small monitor on my helmet which can digitally represent our particular mood or expression to others. I hope to share my thoughts about your planet's music, video games, art, and other stuff in the upcoming future. Please follow and stay tuned.